Dictionary: 1620s, from French émissaire (17c.) or directly from Latin emissarius, literally “that is sent out,” from emissus, past participle of emittere “send forth”
I have been sent forth to search, support, investigate, and connect. As a researcher for adoptees, the journey can be quite an emotional rollercoaster. Two weeks ago, my client had an “immediate family” DNA match. The closer I looked, I realized this was her biological sister (same mother and father.) The two of them shared almost 3000 centimorgans of DNA. A half-sister would have shared about 1500 centimorgans. My client was the second child born to a U.S. Soldier a German woman. She knew her mother’s name and her sister’s name but was never able to find them. I had already determined who her father was but hadn’t had much luck with her German side. I was elated that we had finally found her sister. I reached out and waited, finally a happy reunion in the making.
Imagine the shock with learning you have a “possible” biological sibling and nobody told you. The feelings experienced by children when they learn that their parent(s) did not tell them the whole truth can be complicated. Suddenly, they experience a rush of emotion, negotiating, trying to disprove/prove the possibility, managing their feelings while working to accept/deny the truth. This process can be more complicated when the biological parent is deceased.
As the emissary, my role is not only to go forth and discover, but to support, negotiate, and provide information to both sides. A mediator of sorts to help one party communicate information (without emotion) to the other party. I find myself going back and forth between each party, attempting to support them, provide information, and gain/share information without being pushy.
Several times a day, I check my email, waiting, and hoping for further communication. I am humbled and honored to be part of this journey for my client and her sister. I salute the adoptee as she supports her sister from afar, admitting that she has had more time to accept the facts. I salute the adoptive mother who provided detailed information which is helping the newfound sister with understanding the circumstances that led to her sister’s adoption. I salute the biological mother who made the best decision she could for each of her daughters. She did what she had to to survive. I support the new found sister who is willing to communicate at her pace, as she experiences abundant feelings.
Thank you for allowing me to share these very personal moments with all of you.
First Story: U.S. Soldier’s German Child