Inevitably, while tracking down DNA matches, you will find a match that sends you reeling. Reeling because suddenly there is a new name in your tree. You found that match through the curiosity of a DNA match which shows you related to someone or some family with a completely different name than those you have been using from either family records or oral tradition.
While this is extremely exciting for you, and may actually be met with disbelief or awe in your family; before reaching out to the others – REMEMBER that the information you are asking them to share with you (or that you want to share with them) may actually be hidden behind a deeply held belief of “we never talk about that”. Your inquiry may actually cause another DNA enthusiast pain and grief. Be cautious and considerate.
Tell the other person your story, about how you have seen these DNA matches and that you are curious as to how the connection might be possible. Ask them if they are willing to share. If they are willing to share, go slowly and be gentle.
Consider their level of activity on the DNA site, if they are always logging in and spending time building and researching ( you can find this in the member’s site or their postings) they may be more open to your outreach.
If your DNA research is true and valid, you have your truth. The other person’s matches to your DNA may not yet be their truth.