Genealogical research can be very powerful, especially when there are negative feelings associated with a parent or grandparent. Countless times I am told by clients that their father did not speak about his past and that they have no knowledge of their family line. In fact, my grandfather did not know his father and when I began my research, my father and uncle were eager to learn what nobody ever spoke about. Who was their grandfather? Why hadn’t their father spoken about him? Why wasn’t he part of the family? The untold stories were secrets protecting families from shame and embarrassment.
As time goes by, the shame and embarrassment fade leaving us an opportunity to explore the unknown. Although, what we might find are less than perfect circumstances, it helps us to better understand how our fathers and grandfathers lives were impacted by circumstances beyond their control.
While conducting research it is of utmost importance to put the records into context. This allows us to fully digest the situation and circumstances and leads us to a deeper understanding. If we discover a female ancestor who left her child to be raised by someone else, we should explore the circumstances. Did she become pregnant out of wedlock? If so, what were to cultural values at the time regarding women who became pregnant? Was she the oldest child in her family? Did she help raise her nine brothers and sisters? If so, was her pregnancy overwhelming to her? Swift judgement is often easier than taking the time to develop a deeper understanding. Taking this time may be therapeutic as you step away from judgement and embrace understanding.
Our fathers or grandfathers may have known the stories but they were never discussed because of the negative feelings associated with them. You have an opportunity to uncover these stories and pass them on to the next generation. An opportunity to present the facts from another point of view. An opportunity to identify the strength of character that existed in someone impacted by such negative circumstances.
After making new discoveries, reflect and ask if the person your father or grandfather was (and how he was as a father) was influenced by the circumstances in his life that he had no control over. The more you learn about your father’s life, the deeper your understanding (empathy) of his situation. Empathy and understanding are important and you might actually find yourself embracing the past because it leads to forgiveness. -peace